Relationship Road Map

October 28, 2024
Pastor Chandler (Stop Waiting for Permission) provides a retrograde guide to Christian dating. Stressing that God designed “romantic relationships between men and women... to move toward marriage,” he outlines a road map that begins with pinpointing desired traits in a partner. From there, he tells readers how to seek the advice of “seasoned travelers” (long-married parents and pastors), pick up on “signs” that a relationship is thriving or failing (red flags include “unhealthy emotional responses” to both positive and negative events), and navigate engagements and breakups. Chandler’s focus on “intentionality” produces some specific and sensible suggestions, as when he encourages readers to seek counseling for trauma or anxiety while they’re still single in order to enter a relationship with a greater level of self-knowledge. Unfortunately, he more frequently delivers tired advice for adhering to stereotypical gender roles (women are instructed that “at some point early on, you’ve gotta let the man take the lead”), avoiding platonic friendships between the sexes, and finding love on a rigid timeline (those 22 or older who don’t want to be married right away have a “massive problem,” according to Chandler). Only the most conservative of evangelical singles need apply.